you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize