he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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