is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
