Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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