He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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