Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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