do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
