Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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