too bad you live with your parents still
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
