Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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