I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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