Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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