Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
