Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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