he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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