So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i want to swaddle you in tequila
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
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You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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