I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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