she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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