so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
