OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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