Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
