she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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