he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
