His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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