I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
