Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
