Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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