I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize