It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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