Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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