I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
