Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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