I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
