I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
