She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize