found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
