I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
