So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
