You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ladies don't puke and tell
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
