You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
