So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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