He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
