I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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