watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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