Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
