Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize