we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
