just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
