So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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