Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
