Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
