i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
