It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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