guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
