Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
