TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
