Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
