Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
