just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
