we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
