we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
